The recent Supreme Court decision regarding same-sex marriage
has initiated a great deal of talk on the topic, especially in social media. A
great deal of anger has been expressed on both sides of the issue. Of course
anger expression is a healthy part of the human machine and not by definition a
bad thing, unless wielded haphazardly. The purpose of this post is to explore
how following Christ might provide a path to authentically express anger (Truth),
while remaining respectful of others, self, and God (Love).
Why Anger?
Anger represents the body’s protest against a
perceived injustice, so this emotion makes sense given that many of the
arguments are infused with beliefs about justice, morality, freedom and liberty.
Interestingly, passages from The Bible have been quoted on both sides of the
argument, even by those that self-identify as non-believers. One scripture I
have not seen quoted yet is Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do
not let the sun go down on your wrath.” The difficult balance for a Christian
in this conversation is how to maintain the balance Scripture calls us to
follow, the feat that Jesus performed so perfectly –speaking both Truth in Love
simultaneously (Eph. 4:15). Both sides
of this controversy perceive injustice. The LGBT community demands to be
allowed the same rights as any other group for access to “life, liberty, and
the pursuit of happiness” with the person they love. The Christian community
demands respect for the sanctity of a Faith-Based construct given by God,
“Marriage as a union between one man and one wife.”
You might be asking, “What does this controversy have to do
with therapeutic treatment?” Knowing why
anger is appropriate for this topic, how to be in the presence of anger without
giving up who you are, and how to express anger in such a way that it is a form
of worship to God and a blessing to others and yourself, are all important
topics in treatment for individuals and for families. Skills for using anger
well are especially important considering many people have only seen the power
of anger used as rage, or in attempts to control others.
Natural vs. Healing
Response
When my car’s Fuel light comes
on the healing response (to turn the light off) would be to put gas in the
car. My natural response is often to
drive faster and try to get to my destination before running out of gas. Unfortunately
the natural response does not resolve the issue, and often makes the situation
worse. In the same way anger is elicited
by the presence of perceived injustice. The natural response to injustice/anger
is to attempt to control others or events. The healing response is to respect
self and others. Value and respect are most easily established via
communication, respecting the choices and boundaries for all parties (including
self), and a future post topic: forgiveness.
Path to Freedom
Risk of pain escalates when fear added to the anger results
in rage. Rage can quickly take both parties beyond reason and respect, and set the
stage for more de-valuing words. Scripture suggests that True Love drives out
fear (1John 4:16-18). True Christian Love is about owning and respecting
freewill choice, not control of another person. The primary choice found
throughout Scripture is to follow, or not follow God, to fall in Love with Him
if you feel so inclined, and then serve Him out of that love, if you chose to –
or not. Dr. Paul Meier very eloquently
suggested that true “Love” is about “choice.” More than anything, God desires
to be in a Love relationship with us, and that we are able to freely choose whether
we enter that love relationship with Him, or not. Freedom to choose also means
freedom to choose, and own, consequences.
God gave man the power to choose life or death for himself: to Love God
by not eating from two trees (two trees out of an entire forest) or reject God
by not following Him (by eating the fruit of one of the two trees). God then respected mankind’s choice to reject
Him by allowing Adam and Eve to own the consequences they chose in their
actions.
So What - At the
Individual Level:
Each of us has been given a choice: “…I have set before
you life and death, blessings and curses.” (Deut. 30:19). God makes His hope
clear: “Now choose life, so that you and your children may live, and that you
may love the Lord your God, Listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.” (Deut.
30:20), and “The Lord will again delight in you and make you prosperous…,” (Deut.
30:9).
What does this have to do with Treatment – individual choice
IS freedom, and choice is a skill that requires practice and exercise. We work
on skills to: create choice, make choices in stressful surroundings, and carry
out choices to completion, even in the face of opposition or risk of physical
harm by those around you.
So What - At the
relationship level:
God encourages us to serve each other, not control each
other (Lk 22:24). Service does not mean as a slave that must carry out every
whim of a human master, but rather in the best interest of the other person,
with God as judge as to what “best interest” means.
What does this have to do with Treatment – When God is the arbiter
rather than man, Christian Marriage becomes a completely different construct
than a Social/State marriage contract. In treatment, part of the focus might
include skills for falling in Love with God first, so that in the Christian Marriage
there can be literally three spouses – husband, wife, and God (Eph. 5:29-33).
So What - At a Social
Level:
Sadly, this topic has been surrounded by confusion and fears
expressed as “truth” and has resulted in division and pain within families,
churches, and individuals. For others, there is an internal judge that
constantly jabs at them with a burning poker. What does this have to do with
Therapeutic Treatment? In therapy, we work
to dismantle the internal judges learned from childhood and others that can
horribly plague a person.
So What - At a Spirit
Level:
In treatment, we explore application of skills each
individual can use to have power over their own lives. Choice is power and
freedom – but Choice is also a skill that requires practice and exercise. Where
do I stand on this topic? If God has given freewill to all, who am I to
interfere? When we meet God, I will account for my actions, not yours - just as
you will account for your actions, not mine.
Even so, for those that are torn between what they believe and what they
feel, and wish to be free from what they perceive as bondage – I have made it
my life’s work to help them find the freedom God promised in His word.
If you have questions about this post, reply here or give me a call, let’s talk.
If the issue has been opening wounds in your family, give me a call – let’s work together toward a goal of removing the confusion and establishing connections and freewill choices based on authentic understanding.
You can reach us at:
www.SpiritCounselingTx.com
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